Part One

He felt it

Between his fingers

Her sensuous desires

He didn’t hurry

Rekindling her sadness

My lungs heaved as if they would burst

Suffocating in the dead of night

I complained of a deep darkness inside my head

of becoming deaf and blind and of having two selves

A mild pain

A simple prick

Tears trickled onto the pillow

Certain it would never end

I threw pillows at people

And pulled buttons off the linen and bedclothes

I could not see things clearly

With a squint, double vision and severe visual disturbance

I strained with imbecile persistence to fix my attention

I hallucinated

With an effort I conquered the spasm

Violent excitement

I fell to the ground unconscious

into a period of somnambulism

Dreaming between the lines

In two separate states of consciousness

not being able to think

followed by a stupor lasting for days

Part Two

A disorganised speech,

not finding words and then losing all grammatical structure,

piecing together four or five languages,

unintelligible, mute.

Softly spoken words

Echoed and reechoed

Gentle speeches

Trembling with rage

A childlike voice

A derisive laugh

Part Three

Somnambulance in the afternoons

A love above all other loves

A rosy haze

Fringed with gold

Enveloped with warm air

Seraphic harps

Azure sky

Flaming wings

Carrying me away

In their arms

Pleasure

Ecstatic transports

Incursions of grace

Embalmed love

Tears of a heart wounded by life

Faster

Larger

Into your hands

Suspected love

Pulsating there

Near

A powerful force

Rid me of all suffering

flesh relieved

My whole being

Dissolved in love

Clouds

Rays

Dazzling halos

My head fell back

I wake up calm, serene and set to work in the evenings

drawing and writing through the night.